Knowing your Love Language = Fewer Disappointments
Who knew that love has a language? When I was a kid, I believed that love can be measured by the number of hugs or gifts that you give or receive. More importantly, I also believed that everyone feels this way. Therefore, for the most part of my existence, I would give the people I love gifts and would really put thought into finding ones that they’d actually like and/or need. Over the years, the gifts have become grander, as I thought that it’s the expectation as you become an adult. Back then, receiving gifts is my love language, which is probably why I get disappointed when people don’t reciprocate.
Of course, being human, I’d expect others to do the same or at least feel the need to do the same. Therefore, I’d expect a cake on my birthday or to receive gifts related to things I actually like (anything Harry Potter related works for me!) from the closest persons in my life. It’s like that for most of my life; until I read an article about love being expressed in different languages, and it totally changed my perspective on things.
What’s your love language?
Apparently, different people have different love languages, and that was mind-blowing for me. Dr Gary Chapman, in his book, (surprise!) 5 Love Languages, explained these different love language types in length, and here’s his list:
Words of Affirmation – The “I Love Yous”, “You’re important to me.”
Who doesn’t want to hear these words, right?
Quality Time – The “Aww. Sitting-around-all-day-doing-nothing-but-it’s-okay-cause-we’re-together”.
And it doesn’t matter if you’re on a romantic getaway to Sagada or having a Marvel movies-marathon.
Receiving Gifts – The “Aww. You spent 3 hours finding the perfect present for me?”
Completing charms on your Pandora bracelet? Best gift ever! (for some).
Acts of Service – The “Awww. You spent all day cooking?”
And it doesn’t matter if it’s burnt. You’ll savor it!
Physical Touch – The HHWWs and sitting-on-tree.
Need I say more?
And, just from reading the list above, you probably know what your love language is. Or, if you need a little help, you can take the love language quiz here.
To Fewer Disappointments
So, what’s my point? Well, I guess my point is that you cannot say that someone doesn’t love you because they don’t give you enough gifts or don’t say “I love you” every chance they get. The key to a relationship, any relationship (romantic, platonic, sibling, parent-child), is to understand the other person’s love language. This way, you know each other’s expectations, and you won’t get disappointed when they don’t reciprocate your love the same way. If they don’t know “how to love” you, then you have to tell them what your love language is and ask what theirs is. We can’t read minds, so if you don’t want to feel disappointed or disappoint, you have to communicate.
With Valentine’s Day coming up, many will expect grand romantic gestures like a bouquet of chocolates or flowers or (money?). However, you must ask how grand you should go. Or, you may wonder how grand should you expect from your loved one. Well, which of the 5 love languages do they primarily speak? Which one do you speak? Do you like breakfast in bed or not needing to do laundry for the week? Is a bouquet of tulips going to make you giddy, or is a no-cellphone date more romantic? Do you want to hear how much they love you in a song, or do you crave long hugs and kisses?
I guess we have to remember that, in the case of love, what you give is not necessarily what you will receive. And that’s okay.
