The Locked Up 3-0

Warning: Ramblings ahead.

This morning, I woke up at around 6:30 AM. I had the weirdest, most annoying dream. When I finally got to my senses, it hit me. I’m freaking 30. It’s one of the worst ages, in my opinion, that a person can hit. You’re entering yet another phase in your life, but you don’t want to leave that younger phase behind. It made realize that I’m in my not in my 20s anymore. Before this day, I could easily say that I’m in the late 20s. But now, I’m officially and irrevocably, an adult, and it’s not a very good feeling.

I grew up always striving (or forcing myself) to achieve something. At least something. Every day. For example, today, I aimed to finish at least one workout, no matter how pretentious and petty it is. And I did. And it made me happy. It made me feel assured that my day went right.

There are days when I just want to lie down and stare into nothingness, hoping not to feel guilty about being lazy. Still, I end up pushing myself up to get something done that’s useful, no matter how small it is, for the day. I always need to tick boxes. And it can be frustrating, at times, that the only way I a day truly counted is if I did something valuable. I envy people who can chill for an entire day without feeling guilty. I want to be that carefree.

Since I love ticking boxes, I made a mental list of things I should have done/ achieved before I hit 30:

• Travel outside the Philippines.
• Save half a million.
• Have a six-pack. Or a two-pack. Just not a whole, solid, mass of belly.
• Travel somewhere far with family.
• Read the entire Harry Potter series and watch all the Harry Potter movies again. 
• Buy a house. 
• Get a car.
• Finish my Master’s degree.

Let’s go over the list, shall we?

Travel Outside the Philippines. With the quarantine, just…how? And honestly, I didn’t even bother booking flights for this year, so this is a long shot.

Save half a million. Haha. This one’s funny. Does life insurance count? That’s still money, right? Only I won’t get it while I’m alive. But no, I haven’t reached this goal. If the quarantine lasts until 2021, I may. But I’d rather not.

Have a six pack. For this one, I tried. I guess working out daily won’t translate to abs if I eat a lot. So, this is going to be a goal before I reach 31. I promise.

Travel somewhere far with family. Refer to point #1. In all honestly, I had summer plans. Of course, the veerus kinda ruined all of it. Anyway, I’m just happy that my family is still COVID-free.

Read the entire Harry Potter series and watch all the Harry Potter movies again. I AM SOOOO PROUD OF MYSELF THAT I ACCOMPLISHED THIS. For full details, refer to my Instagram stories. LOL. But I appreciated re-reading the entire series. It made me realize how many details I missed when I first read the books and how much I didn’t understand back then since I didn’t have the vocab nor the mental maturity to read between the lines.

Buy a house. I managed, with the help of someone, to buy a house in the suburbs. Ever since I started traveling on a motorcycle, I long for the peace and quiet, so I’m happy we found a spot away from the city noise. Yes, proud of myself to have checked this off the list!

Get a car. Honestly, this is not a part of my list anymore. With the traffic jam in the city, owning a car is just impractical and quite useless. Plus, I panic a lot. I don’t want to think about what’ll will happen if I see a dog crossing the street when I’m driving at full speed.

Finish my Master’s degree. I shall consider this done for the sake of my sanity. I think having submitted your bound copy counts as done, right?

For my birthday, my sister sent me a video showing her gift to me (it’s a Harry Potter T-shirt. Yay!) for my birthday. My mother sent me a long, touching birthday message. My friends sent me social media greetings and, as expected, posted embarrassing photos as part of our birthday-greeting tradition. My aunt and uncle prepared spaghetti, roasted chicken, coffee jelly, and cake for lunch. It was a quiet yet satisfying day. If it’s a normal birthday, I would have gone out to eat lunch with my family, go to the mall with my boyfriend, and hang out with my friends before the night ends. It would have been a tiring day.

However, this is no ordinary day. I’ve been stuck at home since March 14, and I haven’t gone out (except to read a book by the porch) since then. This quarantine period made me realize some trivial things:

1. You can save a lot of money if you only stay indoors and eat home-cooked meals.
2. 24 hours is a long time if you don’t ever need to go out.
3. Getting your daily dose of Vitamin D makes a huge difference in your day.
4. If you stretch every day, it is really possible to reach your toes (assuming you couldn’t do it before).
5. Facebooking all day can be physically and mentally draining.
6. People can become annoying when they’re bored.
7. It takes 19 days to form a habit.
8. Reading is therapeutic.
9. Your skin won’t become lighter no matter how long you stay at home if you just don’t have the genes for it.
10. Bubble baths aren’t as fabulous as I imagined.

I also realized that:

• You won’t hear the birds chirping if you focus too much on every other noise.
• Traveling while stuck at home is possible through books and your imagination.
• The effect of distance is dependent on trust.
• If you don’t bother spending time on a goal during this period, that goal is not very important to you after all.

I spent the rest of my day doing non-productive things. At this stage in my life, my goal is to put less pressure on myself. I hope not to feel guilty anymore for giving myself time to rest or for having a non-active day.

My point is, the world can give us too much pressure, but ultimately, the biggest pressure is the one we put on ourself. And if we stop carrying all that weight, maybe, we can finally manage to fly.

I hope this locked up version of myself is a healthier person, mentally, emotionally, and physically, when she finally manages to go out. Cheers to adulthood. 😉